Daily Archives: January 2, 2013

How to Get Your Man Card Without Buying an Automatic Weapon

Despite my obsession with politics I’ve made a resolution to keep this blog politics-free. However, I think we can all agree that the Bushmaster’s recent “Man Card” ad campaign is not only in poor taste, it’s meant to appeal to men who are…um, deficient in ways that can only be ameliorated by purchasing a hard phallic object that shoots projectiles.*

Well, I’m here to tell you that you can get your man card without buying a Bushmaster. It involves dressing up in tight Lycra and riding 116 of the toughest miles you’ll ever ride.

This is the Platte Clove ride, remapped for your convenience from Poughkeepsie. I provided a complete description of the route here. Send me an self-addressed, stamped envelope with proof of completion to receive your limited-edition laminated man card.†


*As someone who has considerable expertise in guiding marketing and advertising campaigns much more significant than some crappy little gun manufacturer’s campaign, I’d strongly suggest that the advertising agency that came up with this garbage be fired posthaste.
†Limited-time offer only.